Another day another thought Xx

I have hit a wall, my weightloss has hit a wall rather!, no matter how hard I work, how long I starve I can not get the fuck off 61kgs! I hate myself I am a failure! I can't even successfully lose weight! I have decided to do the ABC Diet again! Maybe after the 50 days I will see a change!please get me to 57, that's what I want my first marker to be! I like that number then after 57, I will get down to 53, then 47 then the beautiful 45! When I achieve that numbe I will achieve perfection, as I am tall 5"9 I must be careful as to how much weight I will lose, I'm already getting comments from my mum, "have you lost MORE weight?" haha what a joke! No mum I'm as fat as I was the last time you saw me!! I am admittedly taller and slimmer then my mum and sister, which would be exactly why she worries about my weight, Unlike a lot of other girls who develops ED's I didn't grow up with a mother or sister watching their weight, running to the toilet after every meal, dinner plates left full of chopped up food or food hidden in weird places, no Unfortunatly it was me who bought this behavior into the house it's me who is asked "how do I lose weight?" but it's not the best question for me to ask, now it's known to family that yes I have an ED that keeps me warn at night, yes I have someone in my head telling me if and when I should eat, and no I don't hate it and no I don't want your help, well after the family learning this is who I am and what I want they have decided until I change my mind and lifestyle we will part ways, I'm not unhappy about that, less people around me the less people to worry, worrying can bring no good to anyone it will make you feel sad to make you'r own decisions live you'r life the way I want to! I have also decide I want tO be my own thinspiration I want to look at my thighs and think, "yes, all my hard work has bought me here! To tiny thighs, flat if not caved in stomach, skinny hands, small wrists, Boney feet, stuck out ribs" this is what a dream body is made of I will die to atain it! Starve on my beauties! Let's live the dream together!!