I don't get it?

What do you do when your about to lose the most perfect thing in your life? Do you fight to keep it or set it free and hope that is comes back to you'r waiting willing arms?? I don't know what else to do but starve for perfection, I know he'll love me if I was thinner, I know he'll love me if I had more control!, I know he'll love me if I'm lite enough to fly! I can't help but feel I'm in the calm before the storm, he claims he loves me but if he loved me why can't I feel it? Why do I wake up feeling cold and alone every morning? Why does nothing make sense anymore? How has everything turned to shit so quickly? How has everything changed and I never saw it coming? How can I make it all perfect like it was before? What if I did it, just this once? What if I liked doing it so much I can't stop at just once? What if it becomes a part of my life again? What of I go to deep and I don't wake up? Would that be such a bad thing? Would anyone cry for me? Would anyone remember me? Would anyone even care?