My daily routine

I wake up daily with tears in my eyes, I try not to let them slip down my cheek coz I know once they do they become real and it becomes harder to make them stop, I get up have a shower and spend countless water wasting minutes staring at what ive let my body become! Disgusted I ever let it get this bad! Ashamed that my bf is made to sleep next to this hideous body! Get dressed and put on my make up, do my hair, and sit there if I listen hard enough I think I can hear Ana talking to me, she's cheering me on! Telling me to starve for my sins! Starve for perfection! Don't let your bf wonder off into the arms of someone else, someone perfect someone I'm not! These thought stay with me all day until I return home after work and see my bf, see how perfectly beautiful he is, and feel how lucky I am to have someone so amazing, after thinking then rethinking these thoughts I get on tge abswing, I say in my head I'll stop at 509 crunches, then I look over at my bf, and decide I must do another 150, atleast, just for him! I get into bed ask my bf what he wants for dinner, get up, cook it, all the while thinking if I eat this I don't deserve him so I plate enough for him, put the rest in the bin, then back to bed, sit with the bf wat h movies, go to sleep, then start again tomorrow!