Lost

Ok so back in the area I hate but can't do anything about, miserable!! Spending the day somewhere I have no control whether I would like to be here!, I feel like breaking down! I feel like every decision I make to better my life has bought me to this point, and I hate my life now! I'm no where near my GW! I feel like crap! I guess there's only one solution..... I have to starve to feel control I have had a great life up until now I think maybe I intentionally fucked my life to get me to this point where I am so miserable that all I can do is starve to gain any sense of control, the bf and me are fighting like cats and dogs as he hates being in the area were in too but we both know there is nothing in the world we can do until we save up the money to get the fuck out! Ok so today will consist of coffee, (Unfortunatly I have left all my natvia at work!!!) so I will make do with less sugar, Coke zero (0 cals) And going to mums tonight for dinner I will say I ate at home I will tell the bf and to all at home I ate at mums I don't think this plan can fail, The bf just came to visit me, he actually asked me if I wanted him to bring me food! Wtf? What does he not get here?? I refuse to make myself any fatter then I am! I just feel so lost!