Sunday 26 February 2012
Life as we know it
So I have figured out a way to keep starving and get my mother off my back at the same time!! I've invited my mother over to my place for a home cooked roast dinner, so I will starve to that point, today is Monday and whilst I'm still using the glorious ABC Diet as a guide* ok let me explain, I use the abc diet as a guide of how many calories I can have if and when I feel like a binge and I just Starve the rest of the time, I live when I look up at my calendar and I crave a binge but see that this is a fast day no cheating for me!! So in that case I smoke some weed with my bf and when I can't stand the hunger I go out the back do jumping jacks then grab my bf and go to gym or the running track a house away from where I live.
So I think I have it all figured out huh?? Wrong! It's my birthday in less then a month I should be thinner, better, perfect but I'm not! I wanted to be half this size by now!! Ok this calls for drastic measures..... I'm going to tweak the ABC Diet a little and cut the calorie intake by half. This ought to please Ana, I hope this shows the results I've been looking for, starting today Monday 27th feb, I'll be kicking off a 3 day liquid fast, I would love to throw juice in the coffee and coke zero mix but I can't fucking find 100% juice! I'm not wasting time on anything else, I don't need the added sugar! But fuck why is this so hard? I feel guilty drinking anything else.
Soon ladies I will be posting pictures of my in home thinspiration one of the perks of living in your own home is you can put anything on your walls as thinspiration but I am yet to embrace all perks as I am in a share house and can not put thinspirational pictures and quotes on the cupboard everyone uses! I can not write "don't eat that you fat pig"! But these perks are yet to come for now though I can put anything in my walls as much needed thinspiration so I do, it took a while for my bf to adjust, but there here to stay.
I don't have scales AND IT'S KILLING ME! I hate not knowing what weight I am! I measure myself daily but it's not enough! I wear a rubber band around my wrist so when I feel like eating I pull that! It's a red rubber band too :D
*sighs* when will I be thin enough to be happy? I suppose that's what all Anas out there are asking, I only feel right when I'm torturing myself for this to happen I know when I'll be thin enough, when I look like my thinspiration yes that's when I'll stop.....
Sunday 19 February 2012
A little look into the life of me,
I first developed bulimia after me and my friend were raped by these guys we knew, I always knew she was bulimic as at school her weight was dropping and fast, after the rape we were inseparable I stayed at her place for weeks on end until 1 day I said I want to be bulimic too, what do I do? At the time I didn't blame her for teaching me the ropes, I loved it I still don't blame her nor will I ever, but I came tI realize this was a coping mechanism for her and I wanted that too! We were both 14 when we were raped, I only remember him raping me 7 time thru the course of the weekend we were there, we were drugged and kept in a house for 3 days until I eventually said take me and my friend to the station now or I call the cops! He took us then hit on my girlfriend call me a slut then left.
After that I was put in foster care, where I begun cutting myself but by 15 this was not enough!
I went to councelling but as soon as I got there ( a month after the rape ) tge appointment lasted 5 minutes, she was rude and couldn't care about my problems so I cut the appointment short and left.....
I never went back.
I feel now that I need to deal with the issues I have and need to feel control the guy that raped me took my control he took my nievity he took my innocence I'm now 23 and still need my cOntrol back, I'm starving for perfection, I'm starving for control I'm starving for bones
Ana,..... I'm starving for you!
Friday 17 February 2012
ABSOLUTLY LOVE READING THIS!!..... WARMS THE HEART
Allow me to introduce myself. My name, or as I am called by so called "doctors", is Anorexia. Anorexia Nervosa is my full name, but you may call me Ana. Hopefully we can become great partners. In the coming time, I will invest a lot of time in you, and I expect the same from you.
In the past you have heard all of your teachers and parents talk about you. You are "so mature", "intelligent", "14 going on 45", and you possess "so much potential". Where has that gotten you, may I ask? Absolutely no where! You are not perfect, you do not try hard enough, further more you waste your time on thinking and talking with friends and drawing! Such acts of indulgence shall not be allowed in the future.
Your friends do not understand you. They are not truthful. In the past, when the insecurity has quietly gnawed away at your mind, and you asked them, "Do I look....fat?" and they answered "Oh no, of course not" you knew they were lying! Only I tell the truth. Your parents, let's not even go there! You know that they love you, and care for you, but part of that is just that they are your parents and are obligated to do so. I shall tell you a secret now: deep down inside themselves, they are disappointed with you. Their daughter, the one with so much potential, has turned into a fat, lazy, and undeserving girl.
But I am about to change all that.
I expect a lot from you. You are not allowed to eat much. It will start slowly:
decreasing of fat intake, reading the nutrition labels, cutting out junk food, fried food, etc. For a while, the exercise will be simple: some running, perhaps some crunches and some situps. Nothing too serious. Perhaps drop a few pounds, take a little off of that fat tub of a stomach. But it won't be long before I tell you that it isn't good enough.
I will expect you to drop your calorie intake and up your exercise. I will push you to the limit. You must take it because you cannot defy me! I am beginning to imbed myself into you. Pretty soon, I am with you always. I am there when you wake up in the morning and run to the scale. The numbers become both friend and enemy, and the frenzied thoughts pray for them to be lower than yesterday, last night, etc. You look into the mirror with dismay. You prod and poke at the fat that is there, and smile when you come across bone. I am there when you figure out the plan for the day: 400 calories, 2 hours exercise. I am the one figuring this out, because by now my thoughts and your thoughts are blurred together as one.
I follow you throughout the day. In school, when your mind wanders I give you something to think about. Recount the calories for the day. It's too much. I fill your mind with thoughts of food, weight, calories, and things that are safe to think about. Because now, I am already inside of you. I am in your head, your heart, and your soul. The hunger pains you pretend not to feel is me, inside of you.
Pretty soon I am telling you not only what to do with food, but what to do ALL of the time. Smile and nod. Present yourself well. Suck in that fat stomach, dammit! God, you are such a fat cow!!!! When mealtimes come around I tell you what to do. I make a plate of lettuce seem like a feast fit for a king. Push the food around. Make it look like you've eaten something. No piece of anything...if you eat, all the control will be broken...do you WANT that?? To revert back to the fat COW you once were?? I force you to stare at magazine models. Those perfect skinned, white teethed, waifish models of perfection staring out at you from those glossy pages. I make you realize that you could never be them. You will always be fat and never will you be as beautiful as they are. When you look in the mirror, I will distort the image. I will show you obesity and hideousness. I will show you a sumo wrestler where in reality there is a starving child. But you must not know this, because if you knew the truth, you might start to eat again and our relationship would come crashing down.
Sometimes you will rebel. Hopefully not often though. You will recognize the small rebellious fiber left in your body and will venture down to the dark kitchen. The cupboard door will slowly open, creaking softly. Your eyes will move over the food that I have kept at a safe distance from you. You will find your hands reaching out, lethargically, like a nightmare, through the darkness to the box of crackers. You shove them in, mechanically, not really tasting but simply relishing in the fact that you are going against me. You reach for another box, then another, then another. Your stomach will become bloated and grotesque, but you will not stop yet. And all the time I am screaming at you to stop, you fat cow, you really have no self control, you are going to get fat.
When it is over you will cling to me again, ask me for advice because you really do not want to get fat. You broke a cardinal rule and ate, and now you want me back. I'll force you into the bathroom, onto your knees, staring into the void of the toilet bowl. Your fingers will be inserted into your throat, and, not without a great deal of pain, your food binge will come up. Over and over this is to be repeated, until you spit up blood and water and you know it is all gone. When you stand up, you will feel dizzy. Don't pass out. Stand up right now. You fat cow you deserve to be in pain!
Maybe the choice of getting rid of the guilt is different. Maybe I chose to make you take laxatives, where you sit on the toilet until the wee hours of the morning, feeling your insides cringe. Or perhaps I just make you hurt yourself, bang your head into the wall until you receive a throbbing headache. Cutting is also effective. I want you to see your blood, to see it fall down your arm, and in that split second you will realize you deserve whatever pain I give you. You are depressed, obsessed, in pain, hurting, reaching out but no one will listen? Who cares?!?!! You are deserving; you brought this upon yourself.
Oh, is this harsh? Do you not want this to happen to you? Am I unfair? I do do things that will help you. I make it possible for you to stop thinking of emotions that cause you stress. Thoughts of anger, sadness, desperation, and lonliness can cease because I take them away and fill your head with the methodic calorie counting. I take away your struggle to fit in with kids your age, the struggle of trying to please everyone as well. Because now, I am your only friend, and I am the only one you need to please.
I have a weak spot. But we must not tell anyone. If you decide to fight back, to reach out to someone and tell them about how I make you live, all hell will break lose. No one must find out, no one can crack this shell that I have covered you with. I have createdyou, this thin, perfect, achieving child. You are mine and mine alone. Without me, you are nothing. So do not fight back. When others comment, ignore them. Take it into stride, forget about them, forget about everyone that tries to take me away. I am your greatest asset, and I intend to keep it that way.
Sincerely, Ana
In the past you have heard all of your teachers and parents talk about you. You are "so mature", "intelligent", "14 going on 45", and you possess "so much potential". Where has that gotten you, may I ask? Absolutely no where! You are not perfect, you do not try hard enough, further more you waste your time on thinking and talking with friends and drawing! Such acts of indulgence shall not be allowed in the future.
Your friends do not understand you. They are not truthful. In the past, when the insecurity has quietly gnawed away at your mind, and you asked them, "Do I look....fat?" and they answered "Oh no, of course not" you knew they were lying! Only I tell the truth. Your parents, let's not even go there! You know that they love you, and care for you, but part of that is just that they are your parents and are obligated to do so. I shall tell you a secret now: deep down inside themselves, they are disappointed with you. Their daughter, the one with so much potential, has turned into a fat, lazy, and undeserving girl.
But I am about to change all that.
I expect a lot from you. You are not allowed to eat much. It will start slowly:
decreasing of fat intake, reading the nutrition labels, cutting out junk food, fried food, etc. For a while, the exercise will be simple: some running, perhaps some crunches and some situps. Nothing too serious. Perhaps drop a few pounds, take a little off of that fat tub of a stomach. But it won't be long before I tell you that it isn't good enough.
I will expect you to drop your calorie intake and up your exercise. I will push you to the limit. You must take it because you cannot defy me! I am beginning to imbed myself into you. Pretty soon, I am with you always. I am there when you wake up in the morning and run to the scale. The numbers become both friend and enemy, and the frenzied thoughts pray for them to be lower than yesterday, last night, etc. You look into the mirror with dismay. You prod and poke at the fat that is there, and smile when you come across bone. I am there when you figure out the plan for the day: 400 calories, 2 hours exercise. I am the one figuring this out, because by now my thoughts and your thoughts are blurred together as one.
I follow you throughout the day. In school, when your mind wanders I give you something to think about. Recount the calories for the day. It's too much. I fill your mind with thoughts of food, weight, calories, and things that are safe to think about. Because now, I am already inside of you. I am in your head, your heart, and your soul. The hunger pains you pretend not to feel is me, inside of you.
Pretty soon I am telling you not only what to do with food, but what to do ALL of the time. Smile and nod. Present yourself well. Suck in that fat stomach, dammit! God, you are such a fat cow!!!! When mealtimes come around I tell you what to do. I make a plate of lettuce seem like a feast fit for a king. Push the food around. Make it look like you've eaten something. No piece of anything...if you eat, all the control will be broken...do you WANT that?? To revert back to the fat COW you once were?? I force you to stare at magazine models. Those perfect skinned, white teethed, waifish models of perfection staring out at you from those glossy pages. I make you realize that you could never be them. You will always be fat and never will you be as beautiful as they are. When you look in the mirror, I will distort the image. I will show you obesity and hideousness. I will show you a sumo wrestler where in reality there is a starving child. But you must not know this, because if you knew the truth, you might start to eat again and our relationship would come crashing down.
Sometimes you will rebel. Hopefully not often though. You will recognize the small rebellious fiber left in your body and will venture down to the dark kitchen. The cupboard door will slowly open, creaking softly. Your eyes will move over the food that I have kept at a safe distance from you. You will find your hands reaching out, lethargically, like a nightmare, through the darkness to the box of crackers. You shove them in, mechanically, not really tasting but simply relishing in the fact that you are going against me. You reach for another box, then another, then another. Your stomach will become bloated and grotesque, but you will not stop yet. And all the time I am screaming at you to stop, you fat cow, you really have no self control, you are going to get fat.
When it is over you will cling to me again, ask me for advice because you really do not want to get fat. You broke a cardinal rule and ate, and now you want me back. I'll force you into the bathroom, onto your knees, staring into the void of the toilet bowl. Your fingers will be inserted into your throat, and, not without a great deal of pain, your food binge will come up. Over and over this is to be repeated, until you spit up blood and water and you know it is all gone. When you stand up, you will feel dizzy. Don't pass out. Stand up right now. You fat cow you deserve to be in pain!
Maybe the choice of getting rid of the guilt is different. Maybe I chose to make you take laxatives, where you sit on the toilet until the wee hours of the morning, feeling your insides cringe. Or perhaps I just make you hurt yourself, bang your head into the wall until you receive a throbbing headache. Cutting is also effective. I want you to see your blood, to see it fall down your arm, and in that split second you will realize you deserve whatever pain I give you. You are depressed, obsessed, in pain, hurting, reaching out but no one will listen? Who cares?!?!! You are deserving; you brought this upon yourself.
Oh, is this harsh? Do you not want this to happen to you? Am I unfair? I do do things that will help you. I make it possible for you to stop thinking of emotions that cause you stress. Thoughts of anger, sadness, desperation, and lonliness can cease because I take them away and fill your head with the methodic calorie counting. I take away your struggle to fit in with kids your age, the struggle of trying to please everyone as well. Because now, I am your only friend, and I am the only one you need to please.
I have a weak spot. But we must not tell anyone. If you decide to fight back, to reach out to someone and tell them about how I make you live, all hell will break lose. No one must find out, no one can crack this shell that I have covered you with. I have createdyou, this thin, perfect, achieving child. You are mine and mine alone. Without me, you are nothing. So do not fight back. When others comment, ignore them. Take it into stride, forget about them, forget about everyone that tries to take me away. I am your greatest asset, and I intend to keep it that way.
Sincerely, Ana
Thursday 16 February 2012
I was going so well!??! I
I hate it! I hate my cheeks I hate my hair! I hate my thighs! I hate my calfs! I hate my stomach! I hate arms! I hate my legs! I hate my wrists I hate my knees! I hate my worthless body as it gets to lazy my mind is working hard my body says enough too soon! I hate that my stomachs rumbles! I hate that I have food infront of me and don't know how it got there! I hate feeling like I should be throwing up but I haven't eaten today
For the last few days I have been binging when I get home, yesterday I ate a massive bowl of lettuce with 98% fat free tuna and a low fat I've cream followed by one slice of wholemeal bread! It makes me sick to think I can't even last with out eating why an I do fucking weak??
Ana give me the strength to make thin my lifestyle please please help me to the road of thin! Please Ana help me!
Tuesday 14 February 2012
It's starting
Well it's starting my colleagues are asking me what I'm doing? What's my secret I'm losing so much weight, my bf said he will take weekly pics to show me I'm losing weight after me denying I look any different, I saw my mum last night, she also said on looking to skinny these days, I LOVE IT! Nothing will ever feel as good as " your looking to skinny for your height!" I love it, it just motivates me to do better, starve longer, I live it keep it coming please!! Hahaha
And I owe it all to the ABC Diet! Bones I can see you
Sunday 12 February 2012
What have I done Ana??
Where did I go wrong? I saw bones, I saw happiness, then home with the bf I binge!!
I hate myself, I'm weak I'm useless I hate the full feeling sitting in my tummy! I hate it, it's not worth the binge I hope I can remember this next time I want to binge,
I never normally even feel the need I may nibble on some foods but never binge! I woke up to my stomach killing me! I was in so much pain still am! That's it this calls for a 3 day fast, then on the forth day I'll eat an apple or some celery then fast again the next two days! I have to last, I feel like cutting again just out of guilt! I want to cut the fat off my body and then feel under neith feel the bones. I hate that I failed all u beauties I am truly sorry but this was a wake up call, the pain of eating was to great I need this all to stop
Thursday 9 February 2012
Fasting for 3 days, bones will be seen
Hey babes I'm back! I caved last night and now feel like a fat pig! I smoke weed and usually I'm ok I won't cave but last night I did so in honor of Ana I will be fasting for three days, today's lunch and dinner is a low fat boost juice with 3 energy shots! But no food will touch these lips!
I'll be back on later for more quotes and tips,
Comment if keen to join the fast :)
Wednesday 8 February 2012
Quotes from a pro-Ana web site, enjoy ladies
- Giving in to food shows weakness, be strong, and you'll be better than everyone else
- Do not give up what you most want for what you want at the moment
- An imperfect body reflects an imperfect soul
- Craving is only a feeling
- An ordinairy girl, an ordinairy waist, but ordinairdy is just not good enough today
- If it ws easy, everybody will be thin
- If it tastes good, it's trying to kill you
- Calories CAN NOT make you happy
- Sacrifice is giving up something good for something better
- The beginning is always today
- It doesn't mather how slow you go, as long as you don't stop
- It's the mind that makes the body
- Everytime you say no to food, you say yes to thin
- Eat to live, don't live to eat
- When you resist the pain of hunger, it means your not a slave of your body
- Don't eat! Do you want to stay fat?
- Being thin is more important than everyhing!
- You want food? Loook at those thighs!
- Bones define who we really are! Let them show!
- Do you really want to be that weight for the rest of your life?
- Eat less, weigh less
- Thin is beautiful, even thinner is perfection
- Anorexia is a lifestyle, not a diet
- I only feel beautiful when I'm hungry
- Skip dinner, end up thinner
- Respect yourself, put down the fork
- Nothing tastes as good as thin feels
- Thin is perfectin, I'll die trying to achieve it
200 cals going strong
Good morning my lovelys!, well I woke up hungry and I love it! I thought about making breakfast but took an extra long shower instead I looked at my thighs FAT THIGHS and realized I don't need food so I got ready for work, drove to work drinking my coke zero breakfast, today I'm aloud 200 cals, so for lunch I won't eat and dinner a 99% fat free soup ( less then 100 cals) then off to the gym to work off the usual 500 cals,
Stay tuned ladies I will be posting some thinspirational quotes to get you through the fasting and starving remember ladies if being thin was easy everybody would be thin!
Talk soon xxxxx
Tuesday 7 February 2012
ABC Diet for my Ana's
For thoughs of u who want a skinny life but are unsure how to get it here is the ABC Diet ive been following I hope u all enjoy
- Day 1: 500 cals ( or less)
- Day 2: 500 cals ( or less)
- Day 3: 300 cals
- Day 4: 400 cals
- Day 5: 100 cals
- Day 6: 200 cals
- Day 7: 300 cals
- Day 8: 400 cals
- Day 9: 500 cals
- Day 10: FAST; Everytime you say no to food, your saying yes to thin!
- Day 11: 150 cals
- Day 12: 200 cals
- Day 13: 400 cals
- Day 14: 350 cals
- Day 15: 250 cals
- Day 16: 200 cals
- Day 17: FAST; Hunger is a feeling, thin is an art!
- Day 18: 200 cals
- Day 19: 100 cals
- Day 20: FAST; Starving for perfection
- Day 21: 300 cals
- Day 22: 250 cals
- Day 23: 200 cals
- Day 24: 150 cals
- Day 25: 100 cals
- Day 26: 50 cals
- Day 27: 100 cals
- Day 28: 200 cals
- Day 29: 200 cals
- Day 30: 300 cals
- Day 31: 800 cals ( or less ) I don't know if I agree with this one?
- Day 32: FAST; Stay strong, starve on!
- Day 33: 250 cals
- Day 34: 350 cals
- Day 35: 450 cals
- Day 36: FAST; 20kgs til I'm thin, 20kgs til I win!
- Day 37: 500 cals (or less)
- Day 39: 450 cals
- Day 40: 350 cals
- Day 41: 300 cals
- Day 42: 250 cals
- Day 43: 200 cals
- Day 44: 200 cals
- Day 45: 250 cals
- Day 46: 200 cals
- Day 47: 300 cals
- Day 48: 200 cals
- Day 49: 150 cals
- Day 50: FAST; Weigh yourself, smile be proud! Update all thinspiration I hope this helps guys and now when I quote days u know what I mean, I welcome anyone who wants to participate to join me in starving for perfection I am up to day 17, FAST! In love with my bones today!
Be thin one day
On this day 10 my day of fast,
I pray to Ana that I last, I'll exercise til I can't walk,
Then I know at night, I'll hear Ana talk,
She'll tell me " I'm going well, getting there"
But when I look in the mirror I feel dispair,
Who is that fat pig staring back at me?
Is that what I look like?, who I'm meant to be?
I'm so sad I run to binge,
In my head I feel a twinge,
It's Ana telling me how worthless i will be,
I panic I want this discussing food out of me!
Ana screams, " now u will bloat",
Off to the toilet, fingers down throat,
I should be scared, think this is wrong,
But me and Ana have been together for so long,
She says " its fine, it's gonna be ok"
Coz I'll be thin one day!
Monday 6 February 2012
Come starve with me
Ok so here I am at work, smoking my cigarette drinking my coke zero (1 cal) today I can have 150 cals I think? But I do another fast, my bf doesn't fast so anyone that would like to take a stroll down the Ana road let me know we can power eachother thru, all followers welcome, I'm feeling really tempted to just get in my car head to the damn bakery and eat the shop put of business!! But then I feel my bones; my hips, collar bone and wrists I can feel my pants get looser and looser and I LOVE IT! I'm doing something right, I gave up dinner last night as I had no time for a gym sesh.
Last time I went to the gym with my bf I saw him checking out this blondy, as soon as I walk in and catch them out she walks off and he looks guilty, I wonder if he wouldn't look at other girls if I starved tonight and tomorrow, I think he wants me to be fat, well he will be in for a rude awakening soon enough!
I've started wearing more layers so wen I lose more weight and lay in bed in under wear he will feel nothing but bones, beautiful bones, I know your hiding somewhere I will help bring u out, I can hear Ana cheer me on as I say no to food she says yes to thin,
I want to be so thin I fall thru cracks in the floor, I want to be so thin I disappear
Sunday 5 February 2012
My road to Ana
Hello beautiful skinny bitches, not many will know but I have decided that these blogs will be based on my road to Ana, I know people say that u can't become anorexic but watch me! I'll be documenting what I eat, when I eat, how I get rid of it/burn it off and how many kgs/cm's I lose! So please all read on I hope u can get tips and tricks from me and share some too,
I recently had a mass fight with my mum who I adore but u can't help typical fights! Atleast on the bright side, I won't have to think of ways of avoiding eating around her now, my house mates all know I don't eat much so they don't notice I cook once a week.
Also before the fight with my beloved mother, I did spend the day with her and ofcourse used e wry excuse there was not to eat while we were out but Sunday alone with the bf I ate so much! Well I do feel like all my starvation during the week was for nothing I do set Sundays as my great days, gym tonight though burn off double calories allowed for the day, (250 being day 15) I have noticed I am losing weight, my tightest work pants are now looser, ( not as much as I would like though)
Well I better head back to work, I'll let u all know how many calls are gone after gym
Starve on beauty's starve on!
Wednesday 1 February 2012
Hungry for a thinner me
Another day at work, grr I get so bord here it makes me want to boredom eat! But I won't only 150 calls today I'd much rather have loquats again, can we fast for another day? I'll let u know my advise to my readers who want to lose weight, restrict yourself slowly first and foremost cut out all fat! If its not far free it's left untouched!
Remember ladies, inner beauty is a joke!, kill hunger with a smoke!
Who is she? let me know??
Ok so today is day 10 and its a fast day and boy do i need it!!, I'm so happy i get this unbelievable high when i start a fast because i feel so much control, it's addictive, i love everytime i say "No Thanks, I've just eaten," when i'm offered food it's such a great feeling!. I've already fooled everyone into thinking I'm a massive eater when i'm at home ofcourse,
It's great, on the days i have broken and binged at work, they think "oh that's typical, she eats like she has hollow legs," hahahahaha no i eat like i havent eaten in days and iveliquified my diet for days yeah solids are real hard to resist! but this new diet im trying is Fantastic, although some of the calorie intake is a litle high for me to eat/drink in a day so i minus a few hundred here and there, (never plus; that's just impossible) i eat like i should be smaller although im not!, It's a strange feeling when you look in the mirror and there is this massive girl looking back at you, sitting in your chair, wearing what looks like could be your clothes? it doesnt make sence? all i know is i hate her! i hate the way she sits there looking at me like im disusting? i dont want her here anymore! i want her gone! so here i am Day 10! slowly she will go, she will disappear! i can not wait until she does!
but although thru all the ugliness i am thankful i do have someone i can come home to, someone that will make sure that things stay on the ok level, its really true dont let the ED own you you need to own it, let it assist you in acheiving your goals but do not let it isolate you, this is when things get bad for me i need to be around people, i have read another blog whom i abosolutly love, she said that (not quoting) having anorexia is admirable because you are livng with it, people dying from it is not living with it, well thats what i got from what she said, :/ BTW im not sure who the ana angel is on the top of the page but anyone with information on her please let me know!!!! i do love her and would like as many pics on her as i can find! she is beautiful! i love the way she wears her bones with pride!
well i must go now, im sonna sleep in the best way tonight..... n an empty stomache!
starve on beauties!
It's great, on the days i have broken and binged at work, they think "oh that's typical, she eats like she has hollow legs," hahahahaha no i eat like i havent eaten in days and iveliquified my diet for days yeah solids are real hard to resist! but this new diet im trying is Fantastic, although some of the calorie intake is a litle high for me to eat/drink in a day so i minus a few hundred here and there, (never plus; that's just impossible) i eat like i should be smaller although im not!, It's a strange feeling when you look in the mirror and there is this massive girl looking back at you, sitting in your chair, wearing what looks like could be your clothes? it doesnt make sence? all i know is i hate her! i hate the way she sits there looking at me like im disusting? i dont want her here anymore! i want her gone! so here i am Day 10! slowly she will go, she will disappear! i can not wait until she does!
but although thru all the ugliness i am thankful i do have someone i can come home to, someone that will make sure that things stay on the ok level, its really true dont let the ED own you you need to own it, let it assist you in acheiving your goals but do not let it isolate you, this is when things get bad for me i need to be around people, i have read another blog whom i abosolutly love, she said that (not quoting) having anorexia is admirable because you are livng with it, people dying from it is not living with it, well thats what i got from what she said, :/ BTW im not sure who the ana angel is on the top of the page but anyone with information on her please let me know!!!! i do love her and would like as many pics on her as i can find! she is beautiful! i love the way she wears her bones with pride!
well i must go now, im sonna sleep in the best way tonight..... n an empty stomache!
starve on beauties!
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