Miana Ex, I hate you!

Well it's the bday dinner tomoz and im a fat fucking cow!! I want to call the whole fucking thing off! I fuking hate that I can't even starve myself properly! what the FUK is wrong with me? I obviously want to stay this fucking disgusting forever! No matter what I do I can not fucking lose all the weight!Fuck it I wish I could just go to a empty place, sit in a empty spot and cry about my empty heart!I know I want thin as my lifestyle! But I keep caving! I caved on Wednesday!, and last night!! Well I went to my mums for dinner no getting Out of eating there! But jumped on the scales and now I'm 61 fukn kilos!! How tge FUK have I gained 1 kg?? FUK it! I hate this!!I could cry at the fact that I hate my life! I hate that I cave! My bf is trying to be as supportive as he can but this is alot for him to take in! I told him I want to be so skinny I fall thru the cracks in the floor,! He laughed he didn't realize how serious I was being but that's cool I know I will get there! Tonight (as I've had only 4 hours fuking sleep!) I'll be going straight home to exercise, and update all thinspiration! So sorry beautiful Ana's that I have not done this yet, no time last night! But tonight I'll need all the thinspiration I can get!! I have all new pics a d I'll add in new tips and tricks so stay tuned ladies, and please DON'T BE AS WEAK AS ME!Stay strong starve on!! XxxXx